Lone Survivor (2013)

Lone Survivor (2013)

Not to be confused with the recent box office abortion The Lone Ranger, Lone Survivor is a gritty war flick depicting the gruelling life of US marines, focusing on the true events of operation Red Wings.  The last war movie I saw in theatres was Act of Valor, which I thought to be nothing more than a ra ra ra American propaganda movie.

'Murica

 I expected something similar with Lone Survivor, but I was pleasantly surprised both by the acting and the story line.  Of course I expected the action scenes to be top notch, and in that regard I wasn’t disappointed.

The Plot

Operation Red Wings is basically an assassination mission.  A squad of four soldiers are sent behind enemy lines to seek out and eliminate a notorious Taliban terrorist leader.  They have intel that indicates he is residing in a small mountain village, guarded heavily.  The intel proves true as the squad positively IDs their mark, unfortunately the mountains persistently interfere with their coms, eliminating their ability to communication with their commander.  They are forced to move up the mountain, hoping to re-establish communications.  After another failed attempt at opening the coms, the squad must dig in and get some shuteye.  

A sharp snap in the woods acts as a rude awakening to the sleeping soldiers.  An old man and two young boys inadvertently wander into the wrong neck of the woods while herding their goats.  One misstep and the squads position is compromised, forcing them to act.  A difficult choice lies ahead; kill the three intruders, one of which is a clear Taliban informant, or let them unharmed.  After much debate, morality wins out and the prisoners are released.  The squad couldn’t have anticipated one of the boys was a parcour champion, racing down the mountain to inform the Taliban of the unwanted American visitors.  Within hours, Taliban troops descend upon the squad, and the marines are in the gunfight of their lives.  Will it be their last?  According to the title, things don’t look good for 75% of the lads. 

My Take

Spoiler, there is only one survivor in Lone Survivor.  I’m curious as to who thought it would be a good idea to name the film that.  Don’t get me wrong, the movie is great, but the title itself is a major spoiler.  If you’re one of the squad mates hoping to survive a movie called Lone Survivor and you look to your left and see one of your mates is Mark Wahlberg, you know you’re fucked. 

I think I may be the Lone Survivor

The title also totally negates Wahlberg’s dramatic will he/won’t he death scene, especially when he is the one narrating it, essentially telling us “yo don’t sweat it, I survive!”  Being based on a true story, some people may have already known the outcome of the film.  Personally I didn’t know a thing about Operation Red Wings prior to this movie (as I’m sure a lot of other folks didn’t either), so the film could have maybe hidden the ending a bit more for us noobs.  That being said, there were a ton of surprises along the way, though the ending was never in doubt.

I was happy that the film took enough time with each character to make them likable before they inevitably die.  Incredibly, I went through phases in which every soldier was my favorite at one point during the film.  Though I didn’t fall for the “we all have wives at home” relationships that were forced down our throats early on, it was the fact that they all proved to be total badasses that I though made each marine memorable.    

I would also like to congradulate Taylor Kitsch for making his first good movie in a while.  Dude seriously had a rough stretch of flops recently and I am glad to see he’s clawing his way back into the light.

Except these, these ones were good right guys....guys

Though this movie starts slow, the buildup is worth it.  The firefights felt real, and every headshot was completely satisfying.  There weren’t a lot of jump cuts or shaky camera tricks, enhancing the realism.  The scenes with soldiers falling down cliffs were very intense and you could almost feel the bone crushing impacts.  .  Usually in action films, the hero absorbs bullets and sustains bone breaks like they’re nothing, simply wrapping them up and forgetting about them minutes later.  The amount of abuse the marines took before they broke was incredible, though you could definitely tell they felt the pain. 

The Verdict

Both the story and the action were great.  At two hours the movie didn’t overdo it, nothing pisses me off more than sitting through a needlessly long movie (I’m looking at you Robin Hood).  Lone Survivor is the best war movie I’ve seen in a long time, and is definitely worth a watch.  All the respect in the world to the men and women who serve.

8.0/10  

You're Next (2011)

You’re Next (2011)

Older than I expected, this film has been on my ‘to watch’ list for a while.  Obviously having been marginally successful in theatres recently my expectations were that it was going to be a bit more than just a run of the mill home invasion flick.  It was something alright.

PLOT

This film follows a large and mainly dysfunctional family and their attempt to bring everyone together for Ma and Pa’s anniversary.  After a brief and somewhat meaningless introduction scene where a middle aged man and his attractive if rather blank canvas of a girlfriend are slaughtered, we are introduced to Mom and Dad, who are opening up their magnificent summer home for the family celebration.  Mom is ridiculously quick to react to every little noise in the house and attempts to flee at the drop of a hat, even before anything scary starts to happen.  Can that even be considered foreshadowing or is that just hey y’all gon die territory?  After Dad wanders around with a stick for awhile, mom feels safe enough to re enter the house (yes she was crying out in the driveway). 

The family consists of a cast of characters who I will briefly describe in a speed round.

Crispian: middle brother, heavy Beta, I’m not fat I’m big boned type.  His girlfriend Erin has bigger balls than him and it makes almost zero sense that they would be together.  They are disgustingly cutesy together and it drives everyone crazy, especially my favourite character-

Drake: older brother and major douchebag.  I was blown away by Drake’s skills of antagonism, and even more blown away by his wife, who not only doesn’t mind his cruel ways, but goes along with it.

Felix: little brother, looks like he was probably a trouble maker, has a hot emo girlfriend named Zee.

I think there was a little sister and her artsy boyfriend, but being little more than bloodbags, they are hardly even worth describing at this point.

The family, with lots minor, easily kill-offable characters, finally begins their dinner.  It is interrupted first by a brother fight, beautifully instigated by Drake, then a crossbow assault from outside.  The family is under siege, but why?  Could it be because the neighbours are upset they weren’t invited to the party?  Maybe it’s because the dad is filthy wealthy? 

The second one, definitely the second one!

My Take

Twenty minutes in I was convinced I would hate this movie.  I was already coming up with little criticisms like bad acting (which mainly holds true), lack of story, uninventive etc.  I thought I’d seen it all before and better in The Strangers.  Thirty minutes in I changed my mind.  I didn’t realize this movie was a partial comedy.  I love the largely untapped Comedy/Horror genre, so as soon as Drake started cracking wise, I was back in. 

Let me talk about Drake for a second.  He fills the role of douchy older brother perfectly.  He can’t let his sense of superiority over his little bro die, even as a grown up, and nothing makes him more upset than seeing his little brother have something be happy.  I guess I like him because in a sense I can identify with him, being a big brother myself.  If you don’t know me, I used to leave my brothers action figures in compromising gay positions all over the house and take dick pics with his camera in attempts to frame him for being gay in front of my dad.  I also once tied him to a chair in our dark creepy basement with duct tape, left him down there for like an hour, than clumsily cut him loose with a razor sharp buck knife.  I’m not crazy, I’m not!  Either way I’ve grown up a bit since then, but Drake clearly has not.  I am truly jealous of his skills of antagonism, he doesn’t even die properly.  He is the best character in this movie, besides Zee (she edges him out because she asks to fuck Felix next to the corpse of his dead mother.  Surprisingly not the most fucked up sexual suggestion I’ve ever heard, but its close).

Don't go here kids

Some of the kill scenes actually were very shocking and brutal, which was unexpected.  If you’ve seen the film you probably recall “Daddy’s little angel” and how they thought it would be a good idea to have her sprint out the front door at full speed because the killers wouldn’t expect that.  Classic.  I also really enjoyed the soundtrack when it was prevalent.  After a few flawless murders, we start to see that the killers incompetent and unprofessional.  The blend of comedy and shock horror was actually fairly nicely balanced.   

All in all Erin handles herself quite well, though one scene in particular had me concerned with her intelligence.  She is gathering weapons to defend against the attackers, which is smart.  She trips and falls, dropping her carefully gathered arsenal all over the floor.  Not her fault, everyone falls, but one of the weapons she was planning to use to defend herself, or give to someone to defend themselves was literally a butter knife.

"Here take this butter knife, if they come at you try to woahh...."

Despite being funny and somewhat brutal, this wasn’t quite a slam dunk.  I did enjoy it, and being partially a comedy, I can excuse the acting quality but I hate cheap scare tactics and this movie is guilty of a couple.  It contains jump out scares, which is ok, but it relies on them as the only form of horror, which is bad.  There is one scene where dad comes in literally screaming “Hey I lit the furnace!” to capitalize on a tense moment with a jump scare.  There are also a couple absolutely pointless flash backs that made me wonder if I downloaded a faulty torrent.

The Verdict

Funny; yes.  Scary; maybe for some.  Worth a watch; definitely.  It’s not going to blow your socks off, but it will entertain you for what it’s worth.  Whether you cheer for the family or the bad guys, the ending will make sure you’re bloodlust is satisfied you dirty freaks. 

7.1/10

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

The Hobbit is drawing controversy between movie lovers and hipster book snobs.  The majority of the population loved this movie, but there are several extremist holdouts that spew irrelevant points and unwarranted criticism of this movie simply because they love to gloat about the fact that they read the book before you and they know everything that Tolkien would have wanted in a film.  They're the same dickheads who correct you when you call the dragon Smog.

It's pronounced SMAUG not SMOG!!

We try to stay away from those dickheads.  Sure the movie had some flaws, and yeah Peter Jackson took a ton of creative liberties with the story, but I’ve been reading reviews about this movie that give it 1/10 or 2/10.  Seriously at this point you’re just being obnoxious.  Any rating less than 6/10 should be viewed as being written by a troll, or someone who just doesn’t get it.  (Yes this is going to be a bit of a rant)

The Plot

Not going to ruin too much for you here.  The Desolation of Smaug is a very middle movie in this extended trilogy.  There is no real clear beginning/middle/end formula; it is simply a means to the grand finale we are all still aching to see.  The Dwarves, led by Gandalf and accompanied by Bilbo continue to make their way to the misty mountain.  The fellowship (almost scared to call it that) must evade forces of orcs, wood elves and even humans in pursuit of their goal.  Bilbo struggles with his obsession with the ring, Thorin struggles with his role as a leader, Bombur struggles with his weight and Gandalf struggles not to get buttfucked by the Necromancer.  

You have a problem

Through it all The Dwarves continue to fight their way closer and closer to the misty mountain and the dangers that lie within.

My Take

I really enjoyed this movie, and yes I did read the book.  Nothing pisses me off more than reading a review that says `this isn`t a good movie but you will enjoy it`.   What the fuck is that supposed to mean?  Get off your high horse and try to tell me that the point of movies isn’t to be entertained.  Even if you disagree with the rewrites and action, this is a fucking good movie.

I concede that there were a ton of discrepancies between the book and movie.  Jackson subjected the script to tons of rewrites that clearly sat uneasy with the Tolkein Nazi’s.  I didn’t mind so much because most of the scenes that were added did nothing more than inject some action and excitement into a fucking 2.5 hour movie.  Legolas was not in the book, but is anyone going to complain about his role in this movie?  They sure as fuck shouldn’t because all he does is kicks ass and takes names, killing orcs in numbers even Gimli couldn’t fathom. 

I'm still relevent!!

I’m not too sure what Tolkein Loyalists wanted to see on the big screen.  I’m sure anything short of a word for word retelling would be a major disappointment.  I’m glad they’re disappointed because their version of the movie would have been boring as shit.  Novels with in depth character development and lots of adventure (walking and eating in this case) don’t generally do well on film.  Take almost any Stephen King book.  Several anomalies made it to the big screen and did well (Carrie, Shawshank, hell even Pet Semetary was alright), but the majority of his movies are major busts.  Is this because he is a bad storyteller? Absolutely not.  Sometimes excellent written storytelling doesn’t translate onto the big screen because it is impossible to show internal thought processes and prolonged conversations on screen without being boring and having characters talk out loud to themselves.  Simple as this, blockbusters need to be tinkered to make them audience friendly.  I know I couldn’t sit through two and a half hours of a version of The Hobbit that included God Damn Tom Bombadill. 

One thing I do need to mention is the CGI.  I loved the LOTR movies because of the non computer generated special effects.  The Hobbit is a bit guilty relying heavily on CGI for the majority of action sequences. 

On to the positives.  The scenery was absolutely beautiful.  The action sequences were epic as well.  The movie had a good balance of action, comedy and discovery with only a couple scenes that dragged (Kili and Tauriel I’m looking at you and your fucked up attempts at romance).  The acting is second to none, as has come to be expected.  The final scenes may be a bit of a cock tease, but you will definitely be looking forward to the final installment next year. 

The Verdict

You know you are going to see this movie.  Snobs, get over yourselves.

8.5/10

Olympus Has Fallen vs. White House Down

Olympus Has Fallen/ White House Down

These two movies are so eerily similar that I have decided to compare and contrast them rather than writing a full review for each.  Both are about the White House coming under attack by terrorists, putting the president in mortal danger from which he must be rescued by an unlikely hero.  I’ll highlight the pros and trash the cons and eventually come up with the superior film.  I honestly wasn’t expecting much from either of these two, but one of them actually managed to surprise me (in a good way).

OHF                                                                            WHD

                               

Protagonists

OHF uses a combination of Aaron Eckhard as the president and Gerard Butler as the hero.  WHD uses Jamie Foxx as the President and Channing Tatum as the hero.  I’m a huge fan of both Butler and Tatum, and both are believable badasses so it all comes down to character and chemistry.  For me, Channing Tatum was the superior hero because his character’s story and motives werefar more compelling.  He does what he does for the love of his daughter more so than he does for patriotism.  Butler is simply trying to prove he’s still got it by protecting his president.

Both movies used younger males in the role of president, which was refreshing.  I preferred Foxx over Eckhart simply for believability.  Eckhart was far too chummy with his secret service buddies, whereas Foxx seemed focused on leading a nation, he also seemed to have a decent presidential platform.  Eckhart’s character is an over the top nice guy, not fake, like presidents are supposed to be.  Eckhart seemed more like he was a secondary hero, while Foxx reacted more like a real president would in that situation.  He is afraid and must face and overcome fears and adversity.  Eckhart seems like the whole taking over the white house thing doesn’t even faze him.  Though Eckhart is in it for his family, and Foxx is in it for his country (the inverse of the heroes) I don’t think it fits Eckhart’s character to put his child before the nation.  It would have been an awesome internal conflict if Eckhart even seemed to struggle with the notion, but he made his decision to save his kid first far too easily.

Basically Foxx and Tatum edge out Butler and Eckhart as far as protagonists go.  I made it seem pretty cut and dry but both tandems did pretty well.

Plot

How did the White Houses come to be under attack?  In OHF, an unidentified NORTH KOREAN aircraft flies straight to the White House, easily evades the White House’s petty attacks, which include anti-aircraft missiles (failed at their one job) and fighter jets.  After eventually crashing, the plane causes enough of a distraction so that a Korean tour bus that happen to be touring Washington can erupt with angry Asians wielding rocket launchers and assault rifles.  They easily storm the presidential house, overtaking the embarrassingly feeble guards and take over the house.  This would all of course be impossible without an inside man.  A Korean Terrorist, disguised as a government official, managed to get his people inside the building under the guise of South Korean government employees.  Just like that, snap snap, the White House is taken, and every single guard working there is dead, except for Butler who manages to sneak in during the carnage.  He is a disgraced former secret service agent who is eager to prove he’s still got it, and seizes his chance when the president is in danger.  Before he can rescue the President, however, he must rescue the President’s son who is also in the house.  The Koreans goal during this invasion?  They want to launch all of the Americans nukes and destroy everything.

WHD goes in a different direction.  Tatum is the Speakers guard, looking to join the secret service.  He brings his daughter to the White House for a tour.  While there he has his interview, which goes terribly.  If only there was some way he could prove he deserves to guard the president.  Luckily for him, this is the day the white house falls under attack.  This scenario involves an inside man, highly trained ex marines, mercenaries, hackers and racists, all united under the banner of getting rid of President Foxx.  Tatum, who is on the Presidential tour at the time of the attack, finds himself separated from his daughter.  He escapes and begins the search but instead of finding his daughter, he manages to rescue the President himself.

Comparable plots, but I think that WHD is far more believable.  It gets ridiculous at times, but the ridiculousness is intended.  In WHD, when the White House is taken, it is actually believable.  In OHF, you need to suspend all of your disbelief to follow along the extremely lucky assault on the House.  IRL if a Korean gets within a mile of the White House, Secret Services is alerted.  You cant tell me a bus full of tourists toting heavy bags and throwing hateful glares towards the White House didn’t arouse any suspicion.  In WHD, the secret service and guards simply look outmatched, and caught by surprise.  In OHF they look utterly incompetent and uneducated on how to use their defense systems and firearms.  WHD has more action, more on screen chemistry and a far more compelling story.  Looks to be a wash so far, only one more category can possibly save OHF.

Villains     *SPOILERS

But it won’t.  The villains in WHD are far and away more interesting and better than any of the baddies from OHF.  Let’s start with the inside men.  Both plots required an inside man to help the terrorists gain entry to the White House, and in both movies I was able to identify the rat before they were revealed, simply based on the actors they got to play them.

OHF                                                                            WHD

                          

Both of these guys reeked of inside men, and both aroused my suspicion immediately.  It was excellent casting if that’s what they were going for, but the element of surprise was non-existent.

In OHF, besides the crooked agent, there is a smattering of Korean mercenaries, one hot Korean computer hacker and the main baddie, a remorseless Korean terrorist whose origin nobody is going to care about.  Their vision is to destroy 'merica so that they can go back to war with South Korea.  For the most part, his mercenaries are expendable and faceless.

In WHD, there are many recognisable faces among the terrorists.  After Tatum kills one mercenary, the leader of the mercenaries (Jason Clarke) loses his shit.  He hates losing men more than he hates the president.  This kind of emotion is completely lacking in OHF (Butler could be killing the same masked mercenary over and over again and I would never notice the difference).  Most of the guys Tatum kills put up a decent fight, whereas Gerard Butler mows through guys with relative ease.  The villains in WHD are from all walks of life including ex military personnel, white supremacists, an infamous computer hacker and various Government employees, all united in their hate for the President.  I really liked the character development of the villains too, making it hard to hate them, even though they are committing atrocious acts.

The Verdict

White House Down takes this one easily.  It was a far superior film in almost every aspect.  It was more entertaining, had a better cast, better characters, better plot, more action, funnier and I didn’t laugh at their terrorists evil plan.  Seriously when that lone plane made it through the White House’s defenses I couldn’t contain my exasperation.  Can unidentified aircrafts really just waltz into America’s most important man’s house untouched, especially after 911?  Would never happen.  Also, I couldn’t believe Tatum outmatched Gerard Butler in this type of role, which is typically Gerard’s bread and Butler (pause for laughter).  He did an amazing job of being a charismatic, likable action hero that gets his ass beat occasionally, but always bounces back.

Thor: The Dark World (2013)

Thor: The Dark World

Thor: The Dark World is the newest addition to the Marvel family.  It isn’t at all out of place, adopting the humorous, borderline cheesy theme of its predecessors that we all inexplicably love.  Basically it is enjoyable and fun, but as I am a bit of an asshole, that just isn’t enough for me anymore.  I left the theatre happy (helped along by the fact that I had a free ticket) but I was hoping for more.  The real saving grace of this film is shown in the after credit scene. It looks like a sign of good things to come though so I’m holding on to the idea that the Marvel franchise is about to turn a big corner.

The Plot

Things are going pretty well in Asgaard.  Odin rules with an iron fist, Thor is off warring and drinking and Loki once again is locked up, never to escape.

Nobody believes that for even one second

Odin wants Thor to settle down with the sword wielding beauty Sif, and take over as the new King of Asgaard.  Needless to say, Thor has other plans.  He is a warrior and has his heart set on swinging his hammer rather than knocking boots. 

In other news, the seven worlds are about to align which apparently means they are ripe for conquering.  Coincidentally, this provides the perfect opportunity for Jane Foster (you may remember her as Thor’s barely willing one night stand from the first film) to stumble upon one of the most dangerous glowing mystery weapons known to the universe; the Aether.  Think red Tesseract; just as ominous and uninteresting, but just as otherworldly powerful.  Jane’s taught body absorbs the Aethers powers and she becomes a glowing red version of herself, but you know, more dangerous. 

Thor awkwardly swoops in to investigate, frustrated that he has to see his kind of girlfriend again after two peaceful, nag free years.  He decides he must fly her back to Asgaard to investigate the cause of the disturbance.  Thor speaks in olde English sentences that mean slightly more than nothing and the two share an awkward kiss.  Seriously, homie disappears for two years, is by no means compassionate and still gets to shack up with Natalie Portman because he’s abs.        

You could say they don't have chemistry

But what about the bad guy?  Well, after being defeated many years ago by Odin, an evil dark elf named Malekith has been lying dormant for years, waiting for the Aether to reappear so he can seek revenge on the leader of Asgaard.  Low and behold, the Aether turns up in Asgaard, providing the perfect opportunity for Malekith to round up his remaining soldiers and launch an assault.  Malekith wants the Aether to make all the worlds dark for his elves to live in… I think.  His motives besides revenge are never really made clear.  Either way, war has come to Asgaard and Thor must turn to his greatest rival for help.

I'm back bitches

My Take

First of all, the villainy in this film is far too black and white.  Why not develop Malekith more?  We should be shown more about his origin to make him more relatable (kind of like what happened with Loki) so that we feel bad for him and understand what he’s doing and why.  He and his dark elves are cool looking and all but because we don’t exactly understand what they’re doing and why, they don’t really amount to much more than generic bad guys.  All we really know about them is that they want to live in the dark and like the dicks they are, want black out everything for everyone.  If we could be emotionally attached to more than just the “good guy” the film would be way deeper and the action scenes would be more than just smash this and smash that.  Most viewers probably find Loki as likable, if not more likable than Thor, despite the fact that he is a treacherous villain.  Why not do this with all the villains.  I get it, Malekith is evil, but no character ever is that black and white, even Darth Vader started out as a good guy and he would wipe his ass with Malekith. 

And it's not even close

Comic fans are still waiting for Marvel to create a bad guy who is worthy of taking on any of the Avengers, never mind all of them.  So far Loki is the biggest baddie, and he is basically a weaker version of Thor.  He is entertaining and oddly charming, but he is really laughable as a main villain.  Judging by the end credit scene, our wait may be drawing to an end.  It appears the Marvel universe is preparing to unveil their biggest meanie yet.  

Thor and Loki make a better couple than Thor and Jane.  They have a charismatic relationship that is fun to watch.  We want them to get along, but we know it’s just not in their nature.  With Jane, Thor seems wooden and their relationship is boring.  I wasn’t buying their love story at all.  Thor has only one love, glory.    I wish there was less Jane, even though I fucking love Natalie Portman, her character just seems like a convenient vessel to try to cram a love interest into a film where one isn’t really needed.  There needs to be Less of Jane and less of her crew.  Honestly who really cares about them at this point?  All they are really doing is taking screen time away from the Malekith and the bad guys who could use it to become more than one dimensional targets for Thor’s mighty Hammer. 

The Verdict

This movie is basically just filler until the next Avengers movie.  The Avengers may have raised the stakes so much that any other attempt at a Marvel movie will always seem like its missing something.  Anyway, it was a fun watch with a nice blend of comedy, darkness, smashing and Loki.  It is as good as a Thor movie can be without the rest of the Avengers.  Bring on the Winter Soldier.

7.3/10

Mama (2013)

Mama (2013)

Mama initially generated a huge following upon its release and garnered generally good reviews while in theatres, but once it was released on DVD its ratings began to sink, similar to The Conjuring.  Why is this?  I have no idea.  Sometimes once outside the theatre horror movies lose some of their scare factor, but I don’t think this should negatively affect the way a film is judged.   I appreciate Del Toro returning working on his creepy stuff with kids genre, as is tradition.

The Plot

Jeffrey (Nikolaj Coster-Waldeau) is a hard working family man.  One day while in a panicky stressed out rage, he kills his wife and kidnaps his two daughters.  I heard she was kind of a bitch anyway.  Once he nabs the two young girls he takes them out of the city, deep into the woods.  Luckily (not for the kids) he happens upon a cabin that he decides would the perfect place to commit a double murder suicide.   Through tears and much hesitation, Jeffrey finally works up some courage and pulls a gun on one of his young, insanely innocent looking daughters.  He is about to pull the trigger but at the last second is grabbed by a shadowy figure and with a gut wrenching scream, is dragged into the darkness of the cabin.  That night, while the children huddle together in the cabin, a cherry rolls out from one particularly dark corner of the cabin.  They aren’t alone.  

Years later, a couple of woodsmen find the long abandoned cabin, and in the process discover two very feral young girls.  After medical and psychiatric evaluation, Jeffrey’s twin brother Lucas (also Nikolaj Coster-Waldeau) is informed of the seemingly impossible survival of his nieces.  Lucas and his girlfriend Annabell (Jessica Chastain) live paycheck to paycheck with little to no responsibilities.

I don't even think I would trust her to take care of a goldfish

The youngish couple decide to take on the two children and raise them as their own rather than handing them over to Lucas and Jeffrey’s aunt, who by all accounts would have been a far better candidate. 

After a couple days things are going swimmingly.  The children, though still somewhat feral and untrusting, start to warm up to Lucas and Anna (I refuse to call her Annabell anymore).  Unfortunately, the girls didn’t exactly come alone.  Something kept them alive during their time in the woods.  An entity they refer to only as Mama cared for them and provided for them during their time in the woods, and she isn’t exactly pleased with the departure of her two little angels.  Strange occurrences around the house indicate that this Mama has in fact followed the girls to their new home, and Mama wants her babies back.

My Take

I was really taken by the psychology of this movie.  The nature vs. nurture argument is prevalent in this film, as we get to see how years of isolation from society affects children of different ages.  Victoria was a little older when she vanished, and even retained some memories of her father, which she immediately applied to Lucas upon her return.   It still takes her a while to acclimate to civilization but she still appears to be capable of developing into a normal child, though she will likely develop some severe trust issues and an ever prevalent fear of abandonment.  Lily who was basically a baby at the time of her disappearance, has a much more difficult time adjusting to civilization. 

She might as well have been raised by wolves

I applaud Jessica Chastain for managing to be hot in this movie.  I normally don’t find her very attractive, but something about that black bowl cut and her punk rock attire just does it for me…  Moving on.

The acting in this movie will obviously be criticised, as is tradition in movies featuring children playing prominent roles.  Apparently the young actress who played Lily can barely even speak English, making her inability to master language in the film even more believable.  I thought that everyone turned in at least a solid performance, and  since I am a GOT fan boy, I pre-emptively love anything my beloved Jaime Lannister does.  He could have literally ridden around on a horse in this movie and I would have still stood behind his performance.  One stand out thing you have to appreciate about this film is the performance of Mama.  She is creepy as fuck, and even creepier when you realize the only part of her that is CGI is her floating hair.  In fact Mama is actually played by a tall, thin alien-like man with a bit of makeup.

And he hates paparazzi

There is nothing I hate more than needless CGI.  This film has a couple scenes where the CGI seems unnecessary, cough cough crawling hair on the ground, but for the most part it relies on strong storytelling and a talented cast to deliver an original and scary film. 

The Verdict

I absolutely loved this movie after seeing it, and still loved it after the second and third time.  This is an excellent addition to the horror genre that offers something new, which in a genre congested with an endless stream of remakes and re-imaginings is quite refreshing.  It has all the makings of a cult classic, and will be one of my favourite horror movies for quite some time.

8.1/10

The Purge (2013)

The Purge (2013)

The Purge is a kind of out of nowhere film focusing on the idea of human rage and the different outlets we use to vent, such as crime.  Moreover, it comments on the widening gap between the upper and lower classes, once again depicting the lower class as violent criminals and the upper class as delusional snobs.  I missed it in theatres, but I was very intrigued by the premise so I made sure to catch it as soon as it came out.

The Plot

This film takes place in the year 2022 where crime and unemployment are at an all time low and the economy is flourishing, thanks to a law implemented by the New Founding Fathers.  The new law, called The Purge, is a 12 hour period each year in which crimes such as assault, murder and vandalism are made legal.  The idea behind this is that people will use the time window as an outlet through which to vent their rage and aggression that builds up each year, reducing their need to act out throughout the rest of the year.  The main selling point of this idea; the rich get to kill poor people with no consequences!  I know it sounds fucking stupid, but bear with me. 

The poor take advantage of this rule and kill the shit out of each other, which helps lower unemployment by getting rid of the economies dead weight and providing numerous job openings.  The rich, however, require protection from underprivileged and their savagery.  They use high tech security systems that essentially put the house under lockdown behind concrete walls during the Purge. 

Enter the Sandin family.  James Sandin (Ethan Hawke) is the highest grossing salesman of these security systems, making himself quite wealthy in the process.  He, his beautiful wife (Lena Headey) and their two children now occupy the very same wealthy neighbourhood as those to whom he sells the systems.  Some of the neighbours even say that they are the ones who paid for the Sandin Mansion #foreshadowing.

First world problems

The very wealthy Sandins eat a very wealthy looking supper, discuss being wealthy, and retire to separate rooms to find wealthy ways to do things.  Finally the purge begins.  The Sandin family gathers in the safe room to arm the defenses and watch some poor people kill each other.  Obviously the entire film can’t just be about them just chilling behind their barricade wealthily right.

Did I mention they are wealthy?

Some displacement of power needs to occur.  This displacement arrives in the form of an injured looking black dude wandering the streets outside.  James’ son does the sensible thing and disarms the security system, allowing the stranger inside the formerly safe confines of their fine, fine mansion.  While this is happening, James’ daughter Zoe’s boyfriend, who apparently never left the mansion earlier that day when he was supposed to, attacks James with a gun.  The kerfuffle creates time for  the intruder to disappear into the never-ending series of rooms within the Sandin mansion.

Seriously this family is on so many different pages, they’re more like a George R. R. Martin novel.

HA HA!

Within moments of unintentionally sheltering the injured vagrant, the Sandin’s  home is approached by a large group of wealthy, psychotically violent masked teens who appear quite intent on getting their target back to “unleash the beast” and “cleanse their souls”.  Part of me thinks they want to kill him, part of me thinks they want to rape him.  James Sandin and his family now face a difficult choice; should they return the injured man to the group of psychos who are pursuing him, or do they attempt to protect the stranger and in doing so, put their own lives at risk.

My Take

This movie is pretty well done, albeit somewhat predictable.  There is a good blend of suspense and I’ll even say horror (though I wouldn’t consider this a horror movie).  The idea of a home invasion is always terrifying, mainly because it can, and does happen more often than we would like.  Even though the Sandin’s take all the precautions in the world to avoid this very scenario, it falls upon them anyway.

Because fuck you that's why

There are tons of ethical dilemmas presented in this film.  Do you risk your family to do what’s right?  Do you side with the wealthy or the commoners?  Would you kill a stranger if you knew you could get away with it?  The exploration of these questions is what makes this movie so interesting.  That coupled with a pretty excellent action sequence at the end, and several twists along the way make this movie stand out.

Questionable decisions by protagonists and the lack of any real character development do manage to set this movie back somewhat.  Who is the wife?  I love Lena Headey as an actress, and I know she is a much more capable actress than this.  I believe she is the victim of a flat character and she can’t do anything about it.  The daughter seems to only be included in the film to mess things up for the family, first having a psychotic boyfriend, running off alone numerous times throughout the film forcing the family to split up and look for her, then getting captured by the vagrant.  She’s just not smart.

The ending of this movie (don’t worry I’m not going to spoil it) is fairly satisfying, but after watching will leave you wondering what happens next?  How could this possibly be a viable solution to anything?  And it’s going to happen every single year.

I thought the idea behind The Purge was stupid in itself.  I mean surely there are much better ways of venting your frustration than killing homeless people.  Sure humans by nature are a tad mean spirited, but by admitting we must succumb to our animal like rage is basically saying we are unfit to live in a society.  I think that eating healthy, getting some form of serotonin and maybe signing up for a jiu-jitsu class would be sufficient in working out the “rage” these poor people are unable to find any way of getting rid of.  Honestly we’ve all been at that point, where you just lose it and want to destroy something, but if you really need to act out your emotions and can’t sort them out like a civilised adult, go work at a wrecking yard and hulk smash all day long.

The Verdict

The very thing that enticed me about this movie also managed to piss me off about it.  The Purge is a silly idea that would never work out.  Looking past that, this is an enjoyable movie with somewhat hollow characters that you barely cheer for, but there is plenty of gratuitous violence for us savages to enjoy.

6.6/10