The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

The Hobbit is drawing controversy between movie lovers and hipster book snobs.  The majority of the population loved this movie, but there are several extremist holdouts that spew irrelevant points and unwarranted criticism of this movie simply because they love to gloat about the fact that they read the book before you and they know everything that Tolkien would have wanted in a film.  They're the same dickheads who correct you when you call the dragon Smog.

It's pronounced SMAUG not SMOG!!

We try to stay away from those dickheads.  Sure the movie had some flaws, and yeah Peter Jackson took a ton of creative liberties with the story, but I’ve been reading reviews about this movie that give it 1/10 or 2/10.  Seriously at this point you’re just being obnoxious.  Any rating less than 6/10 should be viewed as being written by a troll, or someone who just doesn’t get it.  (Yes this is going to be a bit of a rant)

The Plot

Not going to ruin too much for you here.  The Desolation of Smaug is a very middle movie in this extended trilogy.  There is no real clear beginning/middle/end formula; it is simply a means to the grand finale we are all still aching to see.  The Dwarves, led by Gandalf and accompanied by Bilbo continue to make their way to the misty mountain.  The fellowship (almost scared to call it that) must evade forces of orcs, wood elves and even humans in pursuit of their goal.  Bilbo struggles with his obsession with the ring, Thorin struggles with his role as a leader, Bombur struggles with his weight and Gandalf struggles not to get buttfucked by the Necromancer.  

You have a problem

Through it all The Dwarves continue to fight their way closer and closer to the misty mountain and the dangers that lie within.

My Take

I really enjoyed this movie, and yes I did read the book.  Nothing pisses me off more than reading a review that says `this isn`t a good movie but you will enjoy it`.   What the fuck is that supposed to mean?  Get off your high horse and try to tell me that the point of movies isn’t to be entertained.  Even if you disagree with the rewrites and action, this is a fucking good movie.

I concede that there were a ton of discrepancies between the book and movie.  Jackson subjected the script to tons of rewrites that clearly sat uneasy with the Tolkein Nazi’s.  I didn’t mind so much because most of the scenes that were added did nothing more than inject some action and excitement into a fucking 2.5 hour movie.  Legolas was not in the book, but is anyone going to complain about his role in this movie?  They sure as fuck shouldn’t because all he does is kicks ass and takes names, killing orcs in numbers even Gimli couldn’t fathom. 

I'm still relevent!!

I’m not too sure what Tolkein Loyalists wanted to see on the big screen.  I’m sure anything short of a word for word retelling would be a major disappointment.  I’m glad they’re disappointed because their version of the movie would have been boring as shit.  Novels with in depth character development and lots of adventure (walking and eating in this case) don’t generally do well on film.  Take almost any Stephen King book.  Several anomalies made it to the big screen and did well (Carrie, Shawshank, hell even Pet Semetary was alright), but the majority of his movies are major busts.  Is this because he is a bad storyteller? Absolutely not.  Sometimes excellent written storytelling doesn’t translate onto the big screen because it is impossible to show internal thought processes and prolonged conversations on screen without being boring and having characters talk out loud to themselves.  Simple as this, blockbusters need to be tinkered to make them audience friendly.  I know I couldn’t sit through two and a half hours of a version of The Hobbit that included God Damn Tom Bombadill. 

One thing I do need to mention is the CGI.  I loved the LOTR movies because of the non computer generated special effects.  The Hobbit is a bit guilty relying heavily on CGI for the majority of action sequences. 

On to the positives.  The scenery was absolutely beautiful.  The action sequences were epic as well.  The movie had a good balance of action, comedy and discovery with only a couple scenes that dragged (Kili and Tauriel I’m looking at you and your fucked up attempts at romance).  The acting is second to none, as has come to be expected.  The final scenes may be a bit of a cock tease, but you will definitely be looking forward to the final installment next year. 

The Verdict

You know you are going to see this movie.  Snobs, get over yourselves.

8.5/10