Escape Plan (2013)
I recently watched Escape Plan starring Stallone and Schwarzenegger. I wasn't at all surprised to read that it bombed in the box office. Needless to say, I didn't expect much from this film but i was actually pleasantly surprised. It's no Goddamn Wolf of Wall Street, but it didn't make me throw up either.
The Plot
The plot is simple, and not believable in the slightest. Stallone plays a genius tactician, his specialty; breaking out of high security prisons. He goes into the "safest" prisons all across America and using his idiot savant power, breaks out of them. Afterwards, he informs his client of the prisons weaknesses resulting in a more secure jail. Since nobody would believe that he can handle it on his own, Stallone has a team that consists of a possible love interest (this avenue is never entirely explored or explained), a computer hacking genius (played by a bespectacled 50 cent so you know he's legit), and a greedy business man who tends to the numbers (and is not suspicious in the slightest) Together they plan the biggest score to date, a prison that has been labelled Impossible to break out of.
The prison contains the most dangerous prisoners known to man. At least thats what they tell us, but they all seemed pretty tame to me. I think one of them might have thought about starting a riot at one point, but decided to eat pudding instead. The location of the prison is unknown and Stallone finds himself in way over his head. His big score has turned into a nightmare as he seems to have finally found a prison even he can't break out of. Worse, nobody seems to care that he's innocent. How could the guards not see the innocence on his stiff, leathery face?
The plot is simple, and not believable in the slightest. Stallone plays a genius tactician, his specialty; breaking out of high security prisons. He goes into the "safest" prisons all across America and using his idiot savant power, breaks out of them. Afterwards, he informs his client of the prisons weaknesses resulting in a more secure jail. Since nobody would believe that he can handle it on his own, Stallone has a team that consists of a possible love interest (this avenue is never entirely explored or explained), a computer hacking genius (played by a bespectacled 50 cent so you know he's legit), and a greedy business man who tends to the numbers (and is not suspicious in the slightest) Together they plan the biggest score to date, a prison that has been labelled Impossible to break out of.
The prison contains the most dangerous prisoners known to man. At least thats what they tell us, but they all seemed pretty tame to me. I think one of them might have thought about starting a riot at one point, but decided to eat pudding instead. The location of the prison is unknown and Stallone finds himself in way over his head. His big score has turned into a nightmare as he seems to have finally found a prison even he can't break out of. Worse, nobody seems to care that he's innocent. How could the guards not see the innocence on his stiff, leathery face?
My Take
I'll start by saying this isn't a bad movie. It is decent and enjoyable, seemed to be well shot and was definitely better than I expected. That said, the entire plot relied entirely on luck and extremely shitty prison guards. Stallone is never searched in any capacity. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad he isn't strip searched, but you would think that would happen in a jail right? Nope, dude is able to smuggle objects around at will, and they aren't even that subtle. SPOILER the top secret location of the prison is on a boat. One inmate is actually able to sneak a large makeshift compass made from old glasses ABOVE DECK!
Allowing a prisoner above deck would undermine the main appeal of the prison, it's secret location. Prisoners gossip, they don't have anything else to do, so if one inmate knows they're on a boat, they all know.
I also believe that Stallone was a bit miscast. I know you're probably thinking, buddy they had 50 cent playing a genius computer hacker? Well apparently all it takes to be a computer genius is a pair of glasses because despite 50's accent, he did wel in the limited role.
I did have trouble buying Stallone as a genius in any capacity. He should stick to action roles and leave the thinking roles to like, I dunno, Edward Norton. At one point in the film, Stallone uses a myth (direction of a toilet swirl) to help him figure out their location.
I suppose the main problem I had with this film was how the fancy high security prison was unbreakable, but incompitent containment tactics made it possible to break out. The sleeping quarters provided to the prisoners is a unbreakable glass box with a bed and a toilet. Whoever runs the prison clearly doesn't care about the sanity/wellbeing of the prisoners, so why not just keep them in their boxes 24/7? The prisoners are completely off the grid to anyone on the outside, and are already being treated inhumanely and routinely tortured. But the guards are soft and allow free time, inmates mingle and smuggle shit all over the place. If they would just keep the prisoners in lockdown all the time, the prison would be perfect, 0 chance of a breakout.
The Verdict I know I didn't really get into the positives about this film, but believe me, it is decent. The acting is acceptable, though it is geared towards one liners. The story, though it relies heavily on coincidences and chance, is pretty good. If it's not on Netflix yet, it will be soon, and that is where I would recommend watching it.
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| His asshole must be pretty deep to house that thing |
I also believe that Stallone was a bit miscast. I know you're probably thinking, buddy they had 50 cent playing a genius computer hacker? Well apparently all it takes to be a computer genius is a pair of glasses because despite 50's accent, he did wel in the limited role.
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| Science Mafucka |
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| It's simple, my poop spun the other way |
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| Try as you might, you just can's shank your way out |
6.1/10
Nice review. The best performance ever from 50Cent was in Last Vegas because he was only in it for a few seconds :) Just kidding. He wasn't so bad in this one :)
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